Well, you can see I didn’t meet my New Years posting goal. There are two big reasons for it.
The first, and probably biggest, is that it is hard to speak when nobody is listening because it is hard to know if what you are saying is worth it without feedback. I have a lot of insecurities/worries about not being good or worthwhile enough and that quickly turns into wondering why I bother, which turns into not bothering.
The second is that my tip jar has my legal name on it. Having my legal name where people can see it is so very dysmorphic, but at the same time I need the tip jar because if I’m going to be providing content, my broke ass needs a way to allow people who like it to pay me for it.
I’m back because I had a great WisCon. I talked to a lot of people I tend to feel are too cool for me and it turns out that such a thing is probably all in my head. I’m even Facebook friends with some of them now.
I’m going to look into more ways of getting eyes on this blog and that should help the first one. Hopefully after this year’s WorldCon I can get my name changed and fix the second one. But there is going to be a lot of sucking it up and a lot of pretending that I think I am good enough.
